Everything I Needed to Know I Learned From Clueless

Lillian Beauregarde on 12 23, 2009

I was driving from Georgia to Ohio for Christmas and there’s a stretch of that drive that’s so boring it makes me sleepy every single time… it’s called the ENTIRE STATE OF OHIO. I mean I love my people and where I’m from but flat and boring does not make for an easy transport from midnight to 2:00a.m. (Or frankly, any time.) I’ve made it all the way up I-75 to Findlay and, with one hour left to go, I am ready to pull over and take a nap. Luckily, I have a secret weapon in my arsenal.

I know that I’m in my 30s and I probably shouldn’t admit to loving this movie but I watch it incessantly. I think it’s partially because I find the movie hilarious and partially because Cher just has so much to teach us. I mean, you can find a quote from Clueless for any kind of situation.

Defending your right to still be a virgin:

CHER:I am just not interested in doing it until I find the right person. You see how picky about my shoes and they only go on my feet.

A guy breaks up with you:

TAI: It’s my hips, isn’t it?
DIONNE: No, of course not.
CHER: Don’t be stupid, you can do so much better.
DIONNE: He thinks he’s all that, Tai.
CHER: Yeah, God’s gift.
DIONNE: You’re too good for him.
TAI: If I’m too good for him then how come I’m not with him?
CHER: I have got an idea. Let’s blow off seventh and eighth, go to the mall, have a calorie fest, and see the new Christian Slater.
TAI: Oh, you guys. (Group hug)

Someone tries to show you up when speaking of Hamlet:
HEATHER: It’s just like Hamlet said, “To thine own self, be true.”
CHER: Ah, no, uh, Hamlet didn’t say that.
HEATHER: I think that I remember Hamlet accurately.
CHER:Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.

Commentary on the young men of today:
CHER: So, OK. I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, c’mon, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants, and take their greasy hair, Ew! And cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!

It’s on the same level of greatness as Shakespeare and there is not a situation from politics to plastic surgery that Clueless can’t comment on.

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